Post by Ammy Fae on Dec 2, 2008 18:03:49 GMT -5
This is purely an opinion piece. Read it in good humor or don't read it at all. =P
--------------------------------------------
Global Warming, as defined by wikipedia.org, is “the increase in the average measured temperature of the Earth's near-surface air and oceans since the mid-20th century, and its projected continuation.” Sounds scientific, doesn’t it? Now, what this horribly vague sentence does not tell us is that the increase in Earth’s temperature is a mild and completely normal fluctuation. The Earth is constantly going to fluctuate through rotation, temperature, conditions, every physical property because it is a constantly moving, constantly aging thing. You’re sitting on proof of that - the continent you live on was proven to be part of one big continent however many millions of years ago. In a few years it will be ‘Global Raining’ or ‘Global Zen’ causing havoc everywhere there’s access to a tv or computer. But the polar bears!, you scream in sheer agony at the thought of a creature [that you personally would never approach with a ten-foot-pole for fear of being torn to shreds] so majestic drowning in the harshly flooded North Pole. Well, polar bears are made to swim. Survival of the fittest, anyone? They’ve been through worse, trust me. This time they just get news coverage. But the floods!, you yell out for all the uncaring world to hear. Floods are just another part of Earth’s menstrual cycle, like volcanoes and earthquakes and hurricanes. The worst you have to worry about is adapting to living closer in land away from your cozy beach houses. That, and maybe Santa drowning, if he’s not eaten by hungry polar bears first. But the greenhouse gases!, you stutter. Do you have any idea what the carbon footprint of the world was before us lovely sentient creatures destroyed it for our own gain? Well, it’s already been said that a cow’s natural gases trump that of an average person’s carbon footprint in a year or more. We came along and built parking lots, eliminating grass. Going even farther - we built farms and discovered how great hamburgers taste between two pieces of poofy bread and a lot of squashed tomato and mustard seed, eliminating cows. Now if that isn’t helping the environment, I don’t know what is. But…but the Earth, you whisper meekly. We live here, this is the only place we could even remotely have the chance of living as far as we’ve discovered. Do you really think we’d be stupid enough to destroy the only thing keeping us from the be-all end-all of hellish situations? You don’t give us enough credit.
Now, the title of this is ‘Global Warming and Its Effects on the World’. I propose that the single most prominent effect of Global Warming is the stupidity it’s brought with it like a plague over the surface of every gullible mind willing to take and inch and stretch it into a mile of half-assed conspiracy theory. If Global Warming is destroying the world, then it’s by making us believe we don’t deserve everything we’ve made for ourselves on this cozy little planet.
--------------------------------------------
Global Warming, as defined by wikipedia.org, is “the increase in the average measured temperature of the Earth's near-surface air and oceans since the mid-20th century, and its projected continuation.” Sounds scientific, doesn’t it? Now, what this horribly vague sentence does not tell us is that the increase in Earth’s temperature is a mild and completely normal fluctuation. The Earth is constantly going to fluctuate through rotation, temperature, conditions, every physical property because it is a constantly moving, constantly aging thing. You’re sitting on proof of that - the continent you live on was proven to be part of one big continent however many millions of years ago. In a few years it will be ‘Global Raining’ or ‘Global Zen’ causing havoc everywhere there’s access to a tv or computer. But the polar bears!, you scream in sheer agony at the thought of a creature [that you personally would never approach with a ten-foot-pole for fear of being torn to shreds] so majestic drowning in the harshly flooded North Pole. Well, polar bears are made to swim. Survival of the fittest, anyone? They’ve been through worse, trust me. This time they just get news coverage. But the floods!, you yell out for all the uncaring world to hear. Floods are just another part of Earth’s menstrual cycle, like volcanoes and earthquakes and hurricanes. The worst you have to worry about is adapting to living closer in land away from your cozy beach houses. That, and maybe Santa drowning, if he’s not eaten by hungry polar bears first. But the greenhouse gases!, you stutter. Do you have any idea what the carbon footprint of the world was before us lovely sentient creatures destroyed it for our own gain? Well, it’s already been said that a cow’s natural gases trump that of an average person’s carbon footprint in a year or more. We came along and built parking lots, eliminating grass. Going even farther - we built farms and discovered how great hamburgers taste between two pieces of poofy bread and a lot of squashed tomato and mustard seed, eliminating cows. Now if that isn’t helping the environment, I don’t know what is. But…but the Earth, you whisper meekly. We live here, this is the only place we could even remotely have the chance of living as far as we’ve discovered. Do you really think we’d be stupid enough to destroy the only thing keeping us from the be-all end-all of hellish situations? You don’t give us enough credit.
Now, the title of this is ‘Global Warming and Its Effects on the World’. I propose that the single most prominent effect of Global Warming is the stupidity it’s brought with it like a plague over the surface of every gullible mind willing to take and inch and stretch it into a mile of half-assed conspiracy theory. If Global Warming is destroying the world, then it’s by making us believe we don’t deserve everything we’ve made for ourselves on this cozy little planet.
