Writing as a form of punishment

[ladytera]

This was actually an article I have posted on helium, but as we've discussed discipline and such elsewhere I thought it might be fun discussion topic. Let's here what you think.



There are two opposing viewpoints on this issue. One seems to be that it is the greatest form of punishment ever found, the other is the fear that it will suck the love of one of the fundamental skills required for learning from a child. A change in terminology might be helpful. Punishment it rarely effective for a child, but discipline is an absolute requirement for raising children into healthy adults. Writing as a form of discipline can be a highly effective tool in helping a parent toward that goal.

Having five kids ranging from sixteen to four, I can say that making a child write will have a wildly different impact on each child. Only the parent involved can make the decision on what discipline works best in any given situation. Generally speaking however, there are some guidelines. For younger children, who have not yet learned to write, this is obviously not going to work. They'll look at you like you're nuts. So, first help them learn their ABC's, then worry about literary lock down. However, once they hit kindergarten and have learned how to write a basic sentence, copying becomes an attractive alternative.

You cannot reason with a five year old in a snit. By this age, spanking will be starting to become ineffective. Time-out might work, but has just as good of a chance of failure. So, you'll need to start looking for alternatives before the little bundles of joy have you giving yourself bald spots. Repetition writing has a couple of advantages. First, it works in conjunction with their primary learning source, namely school. The schools teach kids by rote, and by repetitive writing and reading. Do you remember See Dick Run? How about the wide triple lined writing tablets where you wrote your A over and over and over, until you filled the page with that one letter? Or writing your spelling words five times each until you memorized them. Kids learn by repeating. They don't see it as a punishment at that age, but a lesson. Second, writing engages a child's mind, and makes them focus on what they are writing. Whereas, a twenty minute lecture on the folly of putting gum in Janie's hair, or biting Tommy is going to have their eyes glazing over, their feet twitching, and their mind's wandering to when Mommy or Daddy will be quiet so they can watch Spongebob Squarepants. These two aspects combine to get your message across to a mind much less complex than your own, without resulting in your blood pressure skyrocketing, and your little darling wondering why your face is turning bright red. For the little tykes, I'd suggest your write a very simple sentence that involves the action they should or should not take. Explain why, briefly. Then have them copy that sentence 5-10 times. When they bring it back to you, ask them to explain why they should or shouldn't do what they did, to reinforce the message.

From kindergarten we move to the late elementary school stage. Such fun! By this point, spanking probably doesn't much cross your mind, and if it does they're as likely to laugh as cry if you employ the method often. Reason is beginning to be a workable alternative, but their attention spans are still pretty short. Withholding of privilege will work to a degree, but discipline that links back to the behavior always works best for getting the lesson across. Again, writing, used judiciously, can be a highly effective tool in your arsenal. At this age, they are only just beginning to get into research writing, but they have already begun doing short creative essays. For mine, it still worked best to keep with the repetitive lines, as I mostly use it to address repetitive behavior. Yours might do better with a creative writing essay. Try different things until you find one that works. At this point, you want to up the complexity of the sentence, what they won't do and why. And up the number of repetitions. Or make it a 5-10 sentence essay. Essentially, the exercise should last about 15 minutes, thus the increase in the amount of writing corresponding to the increase in their skill level. For truly egregious behavior, you might use research as an alternative. For instance, my ten year old decided to threaten to shoot another child in school. I know, horror, horror. He was joking, he knew he was joking, I knew he was joking. Unfortunately, in this day and age, even at the age of ten, the school must, rightly, take such threats seriously, as did the other child. He got suspended. I did make him write lines. But first, I sat him down next to me at the computer, and read him articles about the various school shootings in the last several years. I talked to him about how the kids in those schools felt, about how the families of those who died felt, and the reasons why other students would feel really scared if he said things like that. Being a truly sensitive child, if somewhat tactless at times, he was in tears before we were through. I haven't had a problem with that kind of behavior since. The key here is to be sure the child gets the point of the assignment in relation to the behavior you are trying to modify. Otherwise, they'll get a hand cramp, but not much else. Be sure to combine it with a conversation about what happened, and make them explain the situation in their own words verbally as well as written.

Lastly, the teenage years. Oh what joy, what bliss, it's almost over! Seriously, teens can be really tough. They are way beyond spanking for anything more than shock value (my Dad turned me over his knee when I was 16 for the first time since I'd been 2, needless to say I was mortified, but I got the point). Reasoning with these half-person/half-hormone creatures is an iffy proposition at best. They are into arguing, tantrums, sneaking out, and dramatic scenes. But, there is still hope, especially if you've managed to maintain your authority throughout their formative years. My first line of defense here is always to speak to them honestly. They are by no means stupid, and they are starting to see your flaws. The more open and honest you can be with them, the more respect they will have for you. So, how do you make them write? Well, you take away their computer, their cell phone, their TV, their Xbox, and whatever else floats their boat, give them their assignment, and tell them they have absolute control over how long they're grounded. They get their privileges (make note of that word, they are not rights) back when they turn in their work and your read it. You can make them do research, you can assign them lines, or you can just tell them you want a three page essay on what they did to get themselves into trouble, why they thought that was a good idea at the time, and what they have learned about the error of their ways. This does several things. It places responsibility for their actions and their discipline squarely on their shoulders. That's important as they are almost adults now, and learning responsibility is the final gift you can give them as a parent to a child. It requires that they identify their behavior, the reasoning behind it, and where the weak spots in their critical thinking skills might lie. It allows you to be calm, rational and reasonable, regardless of what they might throw at you, and teaches them the same behavior. And of course, it keeps you from having a stroke, because after all, if you have a teenager, they'll tell you your getting too old for all that stress.

Four of my five still love to write and read, and the other one never liked to anyway (you can't win them all). The key to using this, or any other strategy in parenting, is consistency, understanding of your kids and your goals, clear communication on both sides, and making sure that you don't rely solely on any one form of discipline. The punishment should fit the crime, and while repetition helps memory, too much can also breed contempt. Most of all, love them, and have fun with them, you won't have them for long.