Mary, Mary

[Ammy Fae]

I'll post excerpts of my book up here as I get them typed up.

Warning: gore, horror, and sexual content

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There were screams, so many screams. Inside of my head for those of them who couldn’t find their voices, outside of it for those that could, the high-pitched keening like nothing I’d endured before now. What human could make these tortured noises? What could possibly cause these sounds? I stumbled down the black hallway with my hands over my ears like a child. I couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe; I just moved. The screams got louder, then softer, then louder again as I tried to find their source. I had to make it stop, I had to get the screaming out of my head.

It must have been only a few minutes, but it felt like hours later to me when I finally slumped to the floor against a wall, rocking back and forth like Lady did. The screams didn’t falter. The doctors should have killed her by now, should have made it stop. I was sure by now my ears were permanently scarred and my mind would never quite be able to get rid of the horrible screeching. Without thinking, I covered my head and closed my eyes as tightly as I could and felt the slight whoosh of my head before hitting the stone wall behind me. It was only a dull throbbing, not enough to distract me. I did it again and this time felt the jab of sharp pain, the warm blood trickling down my neck and making the rest of me cold. Suddenly my pulse beat wildly, trying to make up for the blood I was losing, overshadowing the screams. That was better. I could concentrate.

I only had a few minutes before I got dizzy, so I searched with my mind instead of my bumbling hands. Carefully I shifted onto my hands and knees, shuffling towards the doors to my left. One, two, three. Plop plop plop. Drops of blood hit the linoleum floor beneath me, causing an eerie echo that rang in my ears. Two, three. Plop plop. There, the door I’d passed a dozen times in my frantic searching. My heart sped faster than necessary, I was nauseas. There was no time for regret, though. No time for guilt to touch me here and now. Plop plop plop.

I stepped forward and opened the door to my room.

When the blinding overhead lights washed over me in the dark hallway outside the room, I relized several things all at once, as I tended to do. Firstly, Galaina was missing. She hadn’t stepped out of the room since she’d been shifted to this ward the week after me. That was the first thing I realized because, stupid as I was, I thought that the screaming had been mute Galaina, finally horrified enough by what the doctors did to her to retaliate. The second thing was that nothing was where I had put it. My notebooks and pencils were propped against my bed frame instead of my desk, papers were scattered as they always were but not in the same patterns as I had left them. I would have to rearrange things again. For one second I was dizzied by how much that upset me.

The third and final thing I noticed in my moment’s observation was that I didn’t recognize this doctor. How odd; I thought I knew all the doctors here. Maybe he was from another wing. Whatever the case, he had a horrible self-satisfied grin on his face. A scar peeked out of the collar of his shirt at the back of his neck, disappearing again into his carefully cropped hairline. Besides that, he was perfect, like all the doctors. You would think that perfection would seem less substantial after living around and with it for so long, but it never ceased to amaze me how symmetrical they were, how proportionate. Normal people, Galaina had told me once, weren’t so beautiful. The grinning doctor had his hand cupped over Lady’s mouth, which is why I suppose my ears had stopped rebelling, letting my mind take the sharp edge of Lady’s cries by itself.

Red seeped into my vision. Curious, I thought in sudden pre-unconsciousness lucidity, that I would faint now. I had seen all this before, had seen countless girls writhe in pain beneath countless grinning doctors. Lady was no different from any of the other little sheep. What if it had been Galaina? I supposed I might have fainted if it were her, or been braver and tried to stop it. The red got a bit darker and my ears started working again. Plop plop plop. Oh yes, my head was still bleeding. That would explain the red. The strange doctor ignored me, Lady didn’t search for me with her eyes but stared at the ceiling like it would be kind enough to swallow her up. The last thing I saw before I fell to the floor was a single tear, so unlike Lady, trailing down her cheek and plopping to the floor in rhythm with my blood drops.

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Comments are always welcome.

[keyodie]

Oooh, I like. I'm a sucker for dark stuff. And I really like the way you described the blood, and the doctors. It's very well written. *would be interested in seeing more*

[smeagollum]

Oh, I loved this. I need more.

[Ammy Fae]

Thanks guys. =P Glad to know I'm not creeping people out too badly. I'll be working on it when I'm on vacation, so when I get home remember to prod at me to type more up.

I'm not even sure if that little tidbit will make the final cut.

[misaki]

*bites nails*


Eh! So unfair. Creepy. Must know what happens next

You be good writer. *nods*

*starts biting nails again*

[Ammy Fae]

Okie doke, guys, here's the first part of the book. I'll try to update regularly, but school starts tomorrow so no promises.






Ta-thump. Ta-thump. Ta-thump.

I didn’t hear the heartbeat in the bed next to mine, but I could tell when it got faster, louder.

Tathump. Tathump. Tathump.

I wanted to ignore it and go back to sleep, forget about it and let whatever dream I would have wash over me. But the fluttery heartbeat in her head matched the rhythm of her feet on the linoleum floors now and I was sure it would stop if the dreaming little girl tripped and fell.

She should be so lucky.

Tathumptathumptathump.

I reached over and shook the girl's shoulder, hard. “Annie, wake up. Wake up.” I let my hand drop back to my side. She didn’t wake up but the heartbeat in her head dimmed until I couldn’t hear it anymore, which was good enough for me.

I rolled onto my side, like it would make any difference. They all had the same stupid dreams, there was no reason I should be awake and listening to them again, for the third night in a row. The little sheep had no imagination beyond these four dirty walls, the bright lights out in the hall, the shiny floor beneath their bare feet. They weren’t interesting at all beyond what was wrong with them. And, oh yes, there was something wrong with every single one of the sheep, because not a one of them remembered what was so vitally important to me. They should remember, but they didn’t, and I was left picking their brains for anything interesting to listen to. A lost lullaby, a bedtime story maybe, before they were sent here. Sometimes the older ones would remember a swing-set. Grass, trees, sunlight. But it was rare, too rare, and so I held my own memories even closer to my chest, closer to my own steady heart where even they couldn’t get to them. I was like a…I couldn’t even compare myself to something. I knew nothing. More than the sheep, but still nothing.

Ta-thump-ump-ump.

I blocked it out the best that I could because it was on the other side of the room and it wasn’t my responsibility. Shutting my eyes, I skimmed through the nightmares that throbbed from every pretty little head in my cell and tried, again, to reach the floor above ours. I knew it was there. I could hear people, doctors, up there sometimes, but none of them thinking anything specific enough to clue me in. Giving up, I huffed quietly.

The girl on my other side snored lightly. Not the grating noise of the live-in two rooms away, but quiet and restful. I could hear it in Annie’s thoughts, so I let it calm me too. Just enough to let me doze.

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I didn’t remember getting up. I didn’t remember going to the little table at the back of the cell. When did I sit in the rickety chair and pick up the gnawed pencil? No, I didn’t care when. A better question was why.

Mary…pretty…I want it…can I have one too?…no, it’s mine!

What were those sheep babbling about this time? I finally opened my eyes, just slits at first to get used to the flickering light overhead. They were gathered in a sort of half-circle around a stack of papers clutched by more than four or five hands, but half of them stared at me rather than the papers in front of them, mouths open in either awe or terror - I was still too dazed to figure out which. I followed their eyes as they met mine, flickered downward, and then met mine again, almost all at once. I looked down at the closest voice in my head, not actually saying anything but being all too loud about her thoughts.

Yum, yum, yum. Not gonna get sicky-sick, though. No, no, no.

“Ugh.” I scowled and shoved the little girl away from my bleeding leg.

The girl gave me a look full of remorse. Not one of a scorned child, but one who’d had her treat taken away from her. I ignored her and bent to examine the cut halfway down my calf, ripping a piece of my red nightgown to bandage it up at least until they came to fix it. Little Ruby, looked at me with profound longing that made my stomach a bit queasy. Her thoughts were some I very much tried to avoid.

The others’ thoughts were still trained on my drawings, even the ones that were still watching Ruby warily out of the corners of their eyes.

…pretty, pretty…needs colors…icky scratches…she bled on one part, see?…Ruby grabbed it…

I sifted uneasily though the images in their heads, my images. No, no. They weren’t supposed to have those. They weren’t allowed to have those, even if the stupid sheep didn’t know what they meant. I jerked upright and wobbled as the blood rushed to my numb legs. No wonder I hadn’t noticed Ruby when I woke up.

“Give those back.”

I was quiet, my monotone voice only making a vague impression in their thick skulls. I realized how dry my mouth and throat were, how the light above me was too hot, making my skin shimmer slightly. I took a cautious step forward, then another. They didn’t seem to notice. When the sheep had all but forgotten me again, I snatched the stack of papers and backed up quickly against the wall, clutching them all to my chest. I glared menacingly - or what I took to be menacing anyways - and slid to a sitting position with my knees drawn up as extra protection. The entire process had only taken a heartbeat, but already the little sheep were in uproar. They yelled at me, hissed at me, spoke and thought like the animals we were instead of the humans we used to be. But finder’s-keeper’s didn’t apply here. These memories were mine, even if some of them did come from someone else’s head. Their screams got louder, but I couldn’t actually hear them, just the wordless noises inside my head.

The metal door at the opposite end of the room slammed open and the sheep quieted down. I could deal with the terror in their heads as they all turned to look, all but me, much better than I could deal with them filled to the brim with my pictures.

Breakfast, crazies.

The plump blonde nurse set the tray she carried on the nearest bed with a clatter, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand like it was so much effort for her, just like every morning. She ignored us for the most part, grimacing first at the bloodstain on the floor near the center of the room where I must have run into a bed, and then looking at the tightly-packed group of girls, still forming around me in a half-circle. She started forward, grumbling in her head about the lack of respect, lack of brains.

Little brats should have learned well by now. That’s why they’re here.

I frowned, automatically coming to the sheep’s defense in my head. But the nurse shoved to the middle of the silent commotion and eyed me suspiciously. Her head voice taking on a new tone. Anticipation?

She knelt beside me with some effort, putting on a thin smile that crinkled her face in all the wrong places. It was supposed to be soothing, but I found it terrifying. She held out her hand and wiggled plump white fingers at me. I cringed further around my precious stack of papers. She would recognize some, I was sure of it. Already she was going over in her head where he would be, what would be the best plan to get him here, and get him quickly.

Go eat your breakfast, crazies.

I heard the added harshness through their ears and narrowed my eyes on her. Much as I didn’t like the pathetic sheep, I was the oldest. I had some responsibility over them, didn’t I?

With an aggravated huff, she wiggled her fingers again and stuck them closer to my face. I had the sudden urge to bite one of them off, but knew that violence wasn’t permitted. Soon enough she would go get him and I wouldn’t be able to hold onto my drawings much longer. I shoved them at her, still glaring defiantly, even adding a small smirk to see if it would phase her. She ignored me and looked at the pages, flipping them quickly as though only half-interested. Until, of course, she came to the one she would recognize.

I recognized it before she did and struggled to keep my face a glare instead of the worried frown I had on inside.

The drawing was well-done for my first one in twelve years. It was all in black, but I had added texture, shadowing, erased parts that would be highlighted. Impressive - for being asleep. The picture itself was of the blonde nurse skinny and attractive, naked in the arms of one of the Doctors. It had been in her head just a few days before, a fantasy of sorts. I wondered if she would admit to it or wait for someone else to admit to one of the other dozen scenarios. Non of them were pleasant.

Don’t move a muscle, or so help me…

She didn’t finish her threat but stood and walked brusquely from the room, drawings in hand. The second-oldest girl had divvied up the breakfast of runny scrambled eggs, but the sheep still had their eyes locked on me. I pursed my lips together in preparation for whatever would happen to me when the nurse got back. I shut my eyes tightly against the erratic lights and closed my hands over my ears, as if it would help the endless murmurs.

[Loki]

Hmmm.

I'm going to upturn this forum..

Eventually...